
Have you ever wondered what the purpose of goal of gaslighting really is? That is...when your dealing with a narcissistic person?
Well, the goal is for control. Control over a person mind, thoughts, beliefs and self. But ultimately, the goal is to have so much control, they no longer need to actively assert their control- the control takes a mind of its own.
Often this timeline can take three steps:
Initial Gaslighting: This is when a person has entered into your life and begins to question you on your reality. They begin to shift perspectives, form internal mistrust and slowly make you believe you are 'going crazy'. This gaslighting's goal is to change your thinking to theirs and have them be the authority on what is 'real/true' and 'unreal/not true'.
Core Belief Gaslighting: This is the next step in control. The person now is challenging your internal belief system- beliefs about yourself, others and the world around you. The goals of this gaslighting is to have your beliefs be of their making. The desire is to construct you, from scratch, into what they want and what is easier to control.
Internalized Gaslighting: This is the final step- the gaslighting now has a mind of its own. The person now has control over your thoughts and beliefs. You now perpetuate their control yourself, constantly validating and reinforcing them through your changed thinking, perspectives and beliefs.
So how do you stop this?
First, you recognize that this type of abuse and control is happening. Then you identify how your thoughts and beliefs have been hijacked. Once you learn their thinking and beliefs that have been created for you, you can begin challenging them.
Step by step, you think and do opposite. You challenge the thoughts when they come up- "no this is not me. This is them." And you begin to construct new thoughts and beliefs. What do you want to believe about yourself, others and the world around you? Start creating thoughts that encourage that belief system.
Over time you will override the previous thinking and beliefs. Replacing them with YOURS. This is true freedom and healing.
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